By Donna DeForbes
Hey Mom, New job’s going well and… wait for it…. I’m engaged!!! His name is Kale. Pic attached.
Your father and I are, of course, happy for you but admit to some surprise at your hastiness. You’ve only known this man a few months. Does he work at the agency with you? Where are his parents from?
For a Communications major, I’m surprised at your typo — certainly you meant Hale and not the leafy green? Regardless, I’m thrilled to be finally planning your wedding!
P.S. There must have been an error when I downloaded the photo; I don’t see a diamond on your ring??
#EthicalMetal, Mom — look it up. No big wedding. Going green. Simple beach ceremony?
Is green the color scheme you’ve chosen? I’ve retrieved Nana’s wedding dress from storage, but I’m not sure it will work for a spring theme. When will you be home for a fitting? Be sure to bring Kale. We’re having the Great Room redone so we can meet him properly.
P.S. What happened to using complete sentences? Are you being charged by the word?
LOL, Mom. Check this sick video of Kale’s proposal to me — it’s gone viral!
I do hope you’re taking those vitamin supplements I sent. More importantly, why am I the 1,732,455th person to see a video of my daughter’s marriage proposal? I haven’t even put the engagement announcement in the paper yet. You are my only daughter, and I have rights as the mother of the bride!
P.S. Your father wants to know if Kale being a vegetarian means he won’t eat my famous escargots Ã la Bourguignonne.
Not veggie but #vegan and #glutenfree. Follow me @Izzie85 for recipe ideas.
I’m catching up to you on the social media now! Aunt Bea got me set up on “Pinterest” so I could create a “board” of fabulous wedding ideas. I’ve printed out color copies of all my “pins” and am mailing them to you. Tell me which ideas you like.
Mom, Great Hangout chat last night. Kale thought Daddy was hilarious! Small change re: the invitations — I’m keeping my name. TTYL
I never thought I would meet my future son-in-law through a box on the computer screen. Nana is surely rolling over in her grave! Kale had less hair than I expected. Was that a temporary tattoo?
Please come home for Thanksgiving. We need to meet with wedding coordinators and talk cakes. I’ve put the invitations on hold until you change your mind; surely, you’ll want to make it easy on the children.
P.S. Your father has never been hilarious.
Kale’s away for Thxgiving doing volunteer work in Mexico City. Catch you at Xmas?
I am putting my proverbial foot down (which is now ensconced in those gold Manolos I told you about — a golf guilt gift from your father). But seriously, we must see you at Thanksgiving to discuss this wedding in person. I don’t understand your request to keep it “small” and “green” — a woman only gets married once, you know!
Unless you’re not sure about Kale? In which case, I’ve heard that Dr. James Harrington from the club was recently jilted at the altar…
Since I have not heard back from you, Daddy and I booked a flight to come out there for Thanksgiving. We’ll stay with some friends who own a winery not too far from you. I’m bringing fabric swatches and menu samples.
OMG, Mom! Cancel the flight!! I won’t be here – going to Mexico City with Kale. James Harrington – r u kidding me?
Please do not take the Lord’s name in vain, even in acronyms. You never know when you’ll need a favor.
What will you do in Mexico City? Isn’t it enough that you volunteer at that homeless shelter? I’m forever worrying about your safety… and how would it look if you died before the wedding?
Love you too, Mom. See u at Xmas. And tell Aunt Bea I appreciate her suggestions on wedding favors, but we’d rather plant trees in honor of our guests.
How can people take home a tree? Will they be engraved?
Your father and I want to show our support for your “eco-friendly” lifestyle, so we’ve bought you and Kale a honeymoon trip to Costa Rica. It comes with a private jet, a personal tour guide and a stay at this five-star resort recently built on what used to be a wildlife refuge.
I’m booking a mother-daughter spa day for your return. All this wedding work is stressing my skin. Travel safe, darling.
Mom, No more planning worries — Kale and I got hitched in Mexico City! Crazy, right? Pix on Instagram. <3
#spontaneouswedding #KaleandIzzie #YOLO
Donna DeForbes is a graphic designer, writer and the founder of Eco-Mothering, a blog that makes “going green” fun and easy for the whole family. Donna lives by the Bay in Rhode Island where she enjoys hiking, reading, zumba, wine and long walks with her husband and daughter on a pollution-free beach.