How to Survive the Night

How to Survive the Night

By Ashley Lefrak 


9:36 PM

Walk your toddler back to bed for the twenty-seventh time.

Start reading on-line parent forums about what to do when a toddler keeps leaving his room after bedtime.

Read about people claiming to have solved this problem through the purchase of special sheets and fun tents! Read posts accusing these parents of either lying or having simple children. Read the sheet/tent parents telling the other parents to shut it about their kids’ intelligence.

Walk your child back to bed.


9:49 PM

Note the number of people publicly losing their minds online due to powerlessness in the face of toddlers. Commend yourself for not losing yours. Worry briefly about how you’d know if your mind were unraveling.

Read about those for whom calmly walking their child back to bed worked after two nights. Curse them loudly into the computer.

Read one woman’s post that says, “They grow up so fast cherish this time!” Admire her briefly. Accuse her of lacking an inner life.


9:45 PM

March your child back to bed.


Start counting something besides the number of times you, or your husband, have done this. Focus on the tiny hairs on your fingers or the not so tiny ones sprouting from your toes.

Don’t think too hard about toe hair and whether your amount is normal.


10:02 PM

Learn about people locking the door to their child’s room and wondering if it qualifies as child abuse and other people saying no it does not and still others claiming, “If you think it may be child abuse, it probably is child abuse.”

Notice your son, no longer standing in the doorway.


10:12 PM

Remember you have a husband. Attempt conversation with him unrelated to children or bedtime or exhaustion level. When this fails, contemplate his toe hair.


10:20 PM

In a sequence you can’t later recall, fall off your chair and realize you are asleep.


12:13 AM    

Startle-sit to the full upright position. Your baby has woken to find himself in the comfortable confines of his crib and is screaming as if someone just removed his liver with a soup spoon.

Try soothing him using the many methods you have devised. Listen to him wail and wonder what could possibly make anyone being held in the arms of a familiar, milk-scented giant this unhappy.

Imagine, for momentary comfort, that you are being held by a friendly milk-giant.


1:03 AM

When the only thing that gets the baby to sleep involves clutching him to your chest while bouncing in the dark, or spinning in a circle while rhythmically lifting your heels off the ground while trying not to fall, commend yourself. If you cried a little bit while bouncing or spinning, don’t worry. You will have another opportunity to not cry in less than hour.


2:12 AM         

Roll over. Grab your husband’s shoulder. If he doesn’t wake, start finger jabbing him directly in the rib cage.

If he still doesn’t stir, say something concise like, “Can you seriously not feel that?” If he still doesn’t move, there’s a chance he’s dead.


3:28 AM         

Have a delirious conversation with your partner in voices laden with misdirected accusation regarding whose turn it is to go to the baby.


4:32 AM         

Feel a sweaty palm, heavy as a wet towel, on your shoulder. Shove it away only to discover your toddler softly sobbing, clutching his arm to his chest like a wounded wing.

Walk him back to his bed. Stay with him until he falls asleep or you begin to drift off on the thin rug beside his bed indifferent to the feeling of your spinal column, disassembling.


4:50 AM         

Limp to the door while avoiding heel puncture from plastic toy anatomy strewn in your path.


5:20 AM

Tell the small child chanting, “Morning time! Want. Mine. Breakfast!” two inches from your bubbling saliva that it is, in fact, despite sunlight, still bedtime.


5:21 AM

Observe your toddler, bed height, exhaling CO2 directly into your mouth. Propose that he return to his room and make a tower out of his diapers, or play “eating breakfast” with his diapers, or any other task involving his diapers because you’re pretty sure he can reach them.

If he is still staring at you, give your voice the cadence of a new and exciting challenge. Ask if he wants to try something new and exciting. Come up with a developmentally inappropriate and therefore time-consuming task.


5:22 AM

When he says he “Don’t want to!” at a volume that explodes molecules formerly nestled in your brainstem, tell him he can do anything he wants.


5:23 AM

Contort yourself into an exaggerated “C” to accommodate the thirty-pound body now lying perpendicular to yours.


5:32 AM         

When the self-deception that you are getting anything approximating sleep ends, beg your husband to take the toddler to the kitchen. To Madagascar. Make wild and impractical promises in exchange for five more minutes of sleep.


6:12 AM         

Give the crying baby milk. Negotiate with him in your mind. I give you nutrients, you give me sleep.


6:19 AM

Briefly become a human hurricane powered by coffee strong as crack. Stay in motion or risk collapse.


7:02 AM

If you are waiting for a free moment, don’t. Go ahead and sit with the baby atop your thighs while trying to use the bathroom.



Prop the baby on a hip with one hand while jogging up your underwear with the other while flushing the toilet with your foot.


7:04 AM

Exit the bathroom to confront the mounting sounds of your toddler trying to speak over your crying infant trying to cry over your speaking toddler.


7:07 AM

Hide somewhere. Tell your toddler you are playing “hide and seek” but neglect to tell him what “seek” means.


7:12 AM

Overhear your toddler singing to the baby a lilting tune in his impossibly high voice about tinkle tinkle. About widdle. About tars.


Ashley Lefrak is a writer and photographer. Her work has been featured in n + 1 and The New York Times. She can be reached at

Sleep Training: Two Different Perspectives

Sleep Training: Two Different Perspectives

Sleep deprivation is hard for all parents. But not everybody takes the same approach to a baby, even an older baby, who wakes up during the night. For Wendy Wisner, crying-it-out was not an option: she co-slept with her children and “waited it out” for the years it took them to sleep through on their own. Jessica Smock, on the other hand, believes babies should be actively encouraged to develop good sleep habits, and that sleep training, though difficult, can be best for the entire family. 


Why I Don’t Sleep-Train My Kids

By Wendy Wisner

Screen Shot 2015-06-01 at 6.15.21 PMWhen it comes to children’s sleep, I think the choices parents make are influenced—at least in part—by their own childhood associations.

When I was a child, we had a family bed: sleep was a shared experience, replete with elbow bumping, shuffling, sleep sighs, and minor snoring. I remember falling asleep next to my mom, sometimes next to my sister. Eventually, I asked for my own bed, but I always knew I could rejoin the family bed whenever I needed to. I never had a stuffed animal or security blanket. My parents were that for me.

As luck would have it, I married a man whose family also espoused a communal bed. So when our first son was born, he naturally joined us in ours. It made nursing a million times easier, and keeping him close minimized sleep disruptions. I was able to latch him on, and go right back to sleep. I’m sure the fact that I spent my childhood settling in and out of sleep with others nearby helped me feel comfortable with this arrangement.

Sleeping with my son wasn’t always easy. There were plenty of wake-ups, and even though I didn’t have to leave my bed to tend to him, my sleep was still fragmented, and I would wake up exhausted and depleted. At the four-month mark, I reached a breaking point. My son was waking hourly, all night long, and kicking me in the head. I thought I was going to lose my mind. I said to my husband, “I can’t live my life this way. I just can’t do it.”

I scoured the Internet looking for solutions. Most of the advice I found was something along the lines of, “Put your baby down, drowsy but awake, and then leave the room.” I hadn’t heard of sleep training or cry-it-out at that point—at least not explicitly—but I knew that if I took that advice, it would result in more crying than I was comfortable with. My son had already revealed his intense personality. When I did leave him alone in the room at naptime, he didn’t just fuss a little until I came to get him: he cried his head off. I wasn’t going to subject him to more than a few minutes of that.

So I waited it out. As an at-home parent, I was able to nap with my baby, cancel plans when necessary, and take my sleepy days slowly. I know mothers working outside the home don’t have this luxury, but I managed to slog through. Sleep got a little better, then a little worse, then a little better again, and I made it through the first six months. At that point, things became more bearable. I didn’t do anything differently; my son’s sleep patterns just changed, with stretches of uninterrupted sleep happening more often.

I soon began to take the baby out, and have my first conversations with other mothers, many of which cycled back to the topic of sleep. As a new, idealistic parent, I was appalled by the other moms’ tales of sleep training. A mom at the playground told me they were still crying-it-out after a month because it wasn’t working yet, and she wondered if the neighbors in her apartment complex heard the screaming. There was the mom at a birthday party who told me that her son had just recently started waking up again after he’d been trained a few months ago, and that they had recently survived a night of four hours of crying.

In that first year of motherhood, I became the classic, righteous attachment parent when it came to sleep training. I’d hold my pure, innocent baby close, and feel sick at the thought of leaving him in a dark room to cry for hours at a time. A baby cannot talk: when he cried, he was asking for my presence. In these early years, I was teaching him about communication and kindness; it seemed inhumane not to respond when he cried. I found articles like this, which demonstrated that excessive crying increased the cortisol (stress hormone) levels in babies’ brains, and this, which showed that sleep training could cause attachment issues.

That was eight years ago. I have two children now. My older son has slept blissfully through the night since he was just under three years old. My second son has recently started sleeping through at around the same age, though he still wakes in the early morning and needs to be soothed back to sleep. Having “waited it out” twice, I will say that it isn’t always rainbows. I have felt sick from exhaustion. Extreme sleep deprivation increases my anxiety and exacerbates my migraines. But most nights my children’s wake-ups were manageable, and I felt as well-rested as most parents of young children feel.

I haven’t changed the way I handle sleep with my own children, but the way I perceive other parents’ choices has changed. I have made friends with many loving parents with awesome kids who have done some sort of sleep training. I understand that not all parents want to attend to their kids in the middle of the night, and that having your child in your bed or in close proximity (which is the best way I know how to deal with sleep disruptions) is just not within everyone’s comfort zone. I also understand that not everyone has the right support or lifestyle to get through months of sleep deprivation.

I am also aware that there are different kinds of sleep training, and different kinds of sleepers. I still have a big problem with letting a baby cry for hours at a time (really, any more than a few minutes is hard for me to fathom). Even Ferber, the father of sleep training, never advocated for hours of crying at time. I think that most parents take a kinder, more measured approach to it, checking on their babies frequently, offering assurance along the way—at least I hope so.

Even so, it still breaks my heart a little (OK, a lot) when I hear about a baby who is sleep trained, especially when controlled crying is involved. I just want to rush to the baby, and place him back in his parents’ arms. I want to tell his parents to wait just a little bit longer, because it gets better on its own. It really does. And someday you might even miss those midnight snuggles.

Wendy Wisner is the author of two books of poems and her writing has appeared in Prairie Schooner, The Washington Post, Literary Mama, The Spoon River Review, Brain, Child magazine, Bellevue Literary Review, Full Grown People, Huffington Post, Scary Mommy, and elsewhere. She is a board certified lactation consultant (IBCLC) and lives with her family in New York. For more, visit her website. Connect with her on Facebook and Twitter.


Why I Sleep-Train My Kids

By Jessica Smock

Screen Shot 2015-06-01 at 6.13.09 PMSleep training my son was hard. But not that hard.

By the time he was four months old, his sleeping habits were becoming more challenging for all of us. He was waking up more times during the night, becoming more difficult to soothe back to sleep, and napping less and less. My husband and I were exhausted. We fought constantly, and our son was cranky and overtired too.

When I mentioned our sleep issues to a few friends, I was given one name from each of them: Weissbluth. Like thousands of parents before me, I devoured Dr. Marc Weissbluth’s Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. From Weissbluth, I learned about sleep associations, infant sleep cycles, wake times, nap schedules, patterns of sleep organization for newborns and older babies, and graduated extinction (“crying-it-out”). From there, I moved on to books by other experts in the field of baby sleep: Ferber and Jodi Mindell.

At that point, I had just finished the coursework for my doctoral degree in education and development. Immersed in the world of academia, it had made sense to me that because I was struggling with an issue I knew nothing about—solving and preventing baby sleep problems— I should turn to research from the experts: people who had devoted their lives to helping parents with this exact problem. Left to our own devices, what my husband and I were doing wasn’t working, that much was certain. We were all miserable. Consulting these books suddenly made me feel less alone. I now had hope.

Online I read some of the criticisms of sleep training—that it could cause long-lasting psychological harm, that it can impact the attachment bond between parent and child. But then I reassessed the sleep training research for myself. It was obvious to me that these critics were grossly overstating and misconstruing the research on infant stress responses. If you look closely at the studies many critics cite, you will see that they are specifically about the effects of chronic, severe neglect and abuse on the infant brain, not about the effects of a temporary stressor, like sleep training, in the life of a baby in an otherwise happy, loving home.

And a secure attachment bond develops over the course of months and years of sensitive and responsive interaction between parent and child. Attachment researchers state that a few nights of sleep training (and even periodic “retraining”) resulting in better sleep for everyone will do nothing to harm that bond. In fact, it’s quite possible that it may improve the bond once the parent and child are no longer suffering the effects of sleep deprivation.

So we did it. We let our son cry it out, using gradually increasing “check-ins” and then no checks at all. He cried for almost an hour the first night. Then less and less over the next few nights. In less than a week, he no longer needed to be rocked or fed to sleep and didn’t cry at all when placed in his crib awake at bedtime. From our video monitor, we witnessed how he learned to self-soothe: he discovered that he liked sucking on his fingers and sleeping on his stomach. Best of all, he now only got up once during the night to eat—rather than four, five, or six times—and woke up happy and babbling, not screaming, crying, and rubbing his eyes.

Three years later my daughter was born. Unlike my son, who was bottlefed from the age of six weeks due to severe milk protein allergies and who never liked co-sleeping, my daughter is breastfed. Up until she was more than four months old, I shared a bed with her, purely out of desperation. The only way that she would sleep more than an hour at a time was nestled in the crook of my arm, inches away from the breast. All the things I swore I would never do with her—bedsharing, breastfeeding all night on demand past the age of three or four months, rocking to sleep, holding her in my arms for naps—I have done. And still do on occasion.

At four months old we decided to sleep-train her as well. While this taught her to fall asleep on her own at bedtime, she continues to wake up inexplicably and inconsistently, screaming again for the breast or for my arms. We let her cry during the night, sometimes, for almost an hour. For two or three nights, she’ll wake up once for a quick feeding, but the next night, she’ll wake up four or five times and refuse to go back to sleep. Naptime is also a struggle.

Despite my daughter’s more challenging sleep habits, I still feel confident in our choice to sleep train her. Before sleep training, she and I rarely slept for more than one or two consecutive hours, and I found it impossible to sleep well in the same bed with a baby who demanded nearly continuous breastfeeding through the night. I was so tired that I was afraid to drive and had no patience for my four year old. Now she stays in her crib all night, and she falls asleep at bedtime without much fuss. My husband and I get at least a couple hours of time together in the evenings before she might wake up.

If my son was the hare of sleep training, my daughter is a tortoise. But that’s okay. Because helping our children to be good sleepers is just like any other skill that we teach our children. Some of our kids are fast learners, some are not. The goals of sleep training are not the same for every kid or family, and neither is the process. There is no one sleep training method that will work for all babies.

So we won’t give up. Sleep is too important. We’ll keep adjusting our expectations and methods as she grows, develops, and matures and is capable of more and more independence. We’ll continue to support her and love her, even if it that means leaving her alone to struggle a bit, every day and every night.

Jessica Smock is a former educator and researcher who earned her doctorate in educational policy last spring. At her blog School of Smock she writes about parenting and education and was the editor of the recent anthology, The HerStories Project: Women Explore the Joy, Pain, and Power of Female Friendship. She lives in Buffalo, New York with her husband, son and daughter. 

Top 10 Books on Children and Sleep

Top 10 Books on Children and Sleep

By Hilary Levey Friedman

003_Zappier_5126 copy

I’ve always been jealous of people who seem to be able to exist on five or six hours of sleep each night. I regularly need at least eight and while I know how important sleep is for my brain and my body—two authors on this list refer to it as nutrition for your brain—I can’t help but wonder what I could do with those extra hours of wakefulness. While pregnant, and petrified of what sleep deprivation might do to me, I actually avoided books about infant sleep. Plus, as we know, the advice is often contradictory! The one thing I did do was watch the DVD of The Happiest Baby on the Block (during which my husband fell asleep). Dr. Harvey Karp’s advice made intuitive sense to me so I decided to stop there.

Thankfully I was able to help my children become good sleepers rather quickly, so after the fact I became fascinated by sleep for children, reading books for newborns and beyond. While newborn sleep is a source of desperation and debate for many, and advice is often contradictory, most books agree on several points, like cautioning against co-sleeping in bed at the newborn stage and the importance of consistency and routine. On other points they routinely disagree, like about white noise (super important they say, but then disagree on what type), dream/slumber feeding, etc. While most books on children’s sleep focus on infants, it’s important to remember that while it is the foundation, sleep remains enormously important through childhood and adolescence as the brain continues to develop. The brain and sleep are intimately linked, as the best of the books below explain. I recommend you take a look at these after a good night’s rest…

Snooze… Or Lose! 10 “No-War” Ways to Improve Your Teen’s Sleep Habits by Helene Emsellem

Choosing to start a list like this with the issue of adolescent sleep might surprise you. Most parents usually worry most about infant sleep. But it’s for just this reason that I lead with Snooze… Or Lose! Learning good sleep habits is very important for all of childhood, but once puberty hits bodies change, along with the brain. Emsellem clearly explains that teens don’t stay up late just to defy you or exert their independence; instead, due to the delayed daily release of melatonin it is actually difficult for them to fall asleep before midnight. Combine that with earlier than ever high school start times, 24/7 connectedness, and competitive academic and extracurricular environments, and you have the recipe for tired, grouchy teens. Emsellem’s advice concerns children aged 11-22 and she describes how to determine if your child has a severe sleep issue, what treatments are available (light therapy and melatonin pills), and how you can take action to get school start times later. She describes the work of a group of parents in Wilton, Connecticut to get school start times later (fun fact, this town is the home base for Brain, Child!)

The Happiest Baby on the Block: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Baby Sleep Longer by Harvey Karp

When people ask me to recommend one book to new and expectant parents, this is my go-to title. The Happiest Baby on the Block specifically addresses the first three months of your child’s life, what Dr. Karp terms the “fourth trimester.” He entertainingly explains why humans have children at nine months rather than at twelve, grounding his argument about brain size in evolutionary and anthropological research. The sentiment and tone of the book is captured here: “The hard work of imitating the uterus was the price our Stone Age relatives accepted in exchange for having safer early deliveries. However, in recent centuries, many parents have tried to wriggle out of this commitment to their babies.” In order to imitate the uterus until an infant becomes less like a fetus and more like a baby, Karp lays out a plan based on the 5 S’s: swaddle, side/stomach, shhh, swing, and suck. You need to get the calming reflex just so for it to work, but when you do it’s like your crying baby has flipped a switch.

Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child by Marc Weissbluth

Dr. Weissbluth of Northwestern University’s Feinberg School of Medicine is a grandfatherly figure when it comes to infant sleep. Nearly every book on this list recommends his book, originally published in 1987 and most recently updated in 2009. Weissbluth popularized the term “sleep training,” though of course not everyone agrees on when that training should begin (though most exhausted parents agree that at some point it must happen). Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child is the longest book on this list, with nearly 500 pages of advice, so you will want to keep it handy as a reference and not as bedtime reading. The 2009 edition discusses sleep issues past infancy and toddlerhood, but with only 30 pages covering the ages of 3-18 you will want to turn to others for additional advice. [Note that the dearth of good advice on sleep for those aged 6-13 is noticeable across the board.] If you have twins, Dr. Weissbluth’s Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Twins, also published in 2009, is a must read.

Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems by Richard Ferber

In some circles the real “F” word is “Ferberize.” Despite critics, Dr. Ferber’s 1985 book has become the all-time best-selling book on infant sleep. The most recent 2006 edition continues to focus on newborns and the practice of gradual “extinction” to help children sleep through the night. While the Ferber method has often been boiled down to a few paragraphs, or even three letters if you read many Internet sites (“CIO,” or “Cry It Out”) this hundreds-of-pages book is obviously far more nuanced. My children’s pediatrician, Jeffrey Zaref, astutely says of Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems, “Dr. Ferber’s book is often misquoted or misunderstood, but when read in its entirety with parent buy-in, I think it is useful and smart.” A good reminder that no matter what you have heard, it is best to read a book yourself and come to your own conclusions while deciding what is right for your child and family.

The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night by Elizabeth Pantley

Published in 2002 and seen as a response to the Ferber/Weissbluth methods, Pantley’s book is a direct descendant of William Sears’ work on attachment parenting (in fact, he writes the Preface). The title of this book sounds inviting, right?! Of course it’s not so simple, but many swear by Pantley’s suggestions. The main premise is that a baby should not cry alone in a crib; this is easier said than done, as Pantley admits when one of the chapters talks about a ten day plan, or longer. The method requires persistency, which can be difficult in an exhausted phase, so best to read this one before baby arrives.

On Becoming Baby Wise: Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep by Gary Ezzo and Robert Bucknam

This is a perennial favorite, especially among many Brain, Child readers. As the authors write, the book isn’t about giving a lists of dos and don’ts, but about preparing our minds for the task of raising a child (the authors even know that our minds change after a child arrives, so in the appendix when they provide a checklist two boxes are listed—one for when you read it before a baby arrives and one for after when you are actually trying to implement the suggestions). Baby Wise’s middle of the road approach which they link to eating and routines, and call Parent-Directed Feeding, is based on a sample of 520 families who have tried their method. Their perspective is captured in this observation, “All babies will experience the same merges, but they do not experience them at the same time.” Their analysis of previous parenting techniques, like behaviorism, will interest parents interested in social science.

The Good Sleeper: The Essential Guide to Sleep for Your Baby (and You) by Janet Krone Kennedy

Several new baby sleep books are forthcoming in 2015. Of the lot I suggest The Good Sleeper for three reasons: 1) It draws on many other books on this list, 2) The science of what we know about baby brain development and scientific sleep is clearly explained, and 3) The author’s writing is clear and concise (though her matter-of-fact tone may not appeal to all readers). Kennedy’s focus on translating science into practical parenting tips is indicative of the way parenting books are moving on a variety of topics. The best summary of the philosophy of this book is captured here, “The point is that there are constant transient stressors in childhood. I consider sleep training to be one of those, but it is a stressor that has a huge positive side. The chronic stress of sleep deprivation—on the child and on the parents—creates a far more disruptive developmental environment both physically and emotionally.”

The Happy Sleeper: The Science-Baked Guide to Helping Your Baby Ge a Good Night’s Sleep—Newborn to School Age by Heather Turgeon and Julie Wright

In many ways, in terms of the topics it covers—napping, nighttime sleep, typical routines, etc.—The Happy Sleeper is like many other baby sleep books. What sets it apart is that it is an up-to-date sleek version without too many words on the page, good illustrations and helpful highlighted boxes, and strategies for integrating technology; it also has a chapter on kids 2-6 making the book useful for longer. Turgeon and Wright try to stay away from controversial terms like “attachment” and “cry it out,” instead using terms like “attunement,” “soothing ladder,” and “sleep wave.” Like Book #9, The Happy Sleeper encourages parents not to interfere with babies too much because they are built to sleep and we should enable that rather than stand in the way. Helpful chapters in this book include chapters on parents’ sleep (trust me, there’s nothing worse than your 6-month-old sleeping through the night when you can’t!) the science of sleep, and tips on daylight savings time and time zone adjustments.

Welcome to Your Child’s Brain: How the Mind Grows from Conception to College by Sandra Aamodt and Sam Wang

This book isn’t just about sleep—in fact, only Chapter 7, “Beautiful Dreamer, Ages Birth to Nine Years,” is. But this a very smart book, based in science research and writing, that will help you think about other developmental stages as well (I especially like the chapters on music and sports). Moreover, the authors are one of the few to address sleep during elementary school-aged children as well. As such the focus is on the scientific link between sleep and learning, like this sentence exploring why infants sleep so much, “The intense need for sleep early in life may be related to its importance in facilitating learning.” Although, as with the rest of Welcome to Your Child’s Brain, the message is not to stress too much as your child’s brain will almost always raise itself. You will find words like “suprachiasmatic nucleus” and “corticotropin-releasing hormone” here, but also familiar ones like naps and dreams.

Good Night Books for Kids

Even if none of the above work for you, or you decide to never read a sleep book, you and your family will almost certainly come to have a favorite goodnight book or two. We have consistently loved The Going to Bed Book by Sandra Boynton (I can recite it on command, trust me) and Time for Bed by Mem Fox. Good Night Moon also remains a perennial favorite. Bedtime is a wonderful time to establish family reading habits and rituals—ones that most likely will be passed on to future generations. And if all else fails you can always seek out Adam Mansbach’s new classic, Go the F**k to Sleep…

Hilary Levey Friedman is the Book Review Editor at Brain, Child and the author of Playing to Win: Raising Children in a Competitive Culture. You may also like her review of Where Children Sleep.