mother writer | Brain, Child Magazine

What is it about mothering an 11-year-old that you liked the most? The least?

I love 11. I know this particularly keenly now, writing three months into 12, because things feel different in a material way. Eleven felt like a golden time. I loved her company and she loved mine. Sports were important but not crushing. She was funny and smart and thoughtful and not yet moody. The only thing I liked least about 11 was that it ended.

When did you know your child was a tween/teenager?

I knew she was a tween when she really wanted Instagram. I let her have it, but our rules were (and still are) that she doesn’t post selfies, she doesn’t post group photos that might make others feel excluded, she has to ask before posting anything and when accepting follow requests. Somehow Instagram felt like the harbinger of a new season.

What do you wish you knew before you had a tween/teen?

I wish I knew that we’d make it through these famously rocky years with our bond intact. I wish I knew that before she entered tween-hood and frankly I still wish I knew that now that she’s in it. I have a lot of fear about what the next few years will bring, and I wish I could trust that on the other end we’ll be fine.

What advice do you wish you could tell your former self about mothering an 11-year-old?

Don’t sweat the little stuff. I remember people telling me tweens needed their parents more than infants and being absolutely flabbergasted by this. “But she sucks on my body every two hours. How could she possibly need me more than this?” I asked once. And it’s a different kind of need, but it’s a need all the same. It’s real and I wish I hadn’t worried so much about the baby ear infections and food introductions and all of that, because I see now it didn’t matter.

What about motherhood inspires you?

My children make me laugh every day. They say things that make me think, and their surprising moments of humor and kindness often take my breath away. They inspire me to be gentler and more positive in the world.

What do you hope readers will take with them from your piece?

I hope my piece reminds readers to take a moment to notice the details of where they are in their lives, right now. So much of motherhood—and life itself—is transient and fleeting, and the primary goal of writing for me is to capture some of a particular moment’s nuance and shimmer. If I can help even one reader do that, that’s a tremendous honor.

Purchase Brain, Child’s Special Issue for Parents of Teens, which includes the This is Adolescence Series – Eight essays from America’s leading writers on ages 11 – 18.

Read an excerpt: This is Adolescence: 12

Lisa Lovatt-Smith is the author of Who Knows Tomorrow. She began her career at the age of 18 as an intern for Bristish Vogue. In 2002, after a long career in fashion, Lisa left everything behind and founded OAfrica. Today she lives in Ghana with her family.

What led up to the moment where you quit your former life?

It was a combination of things. In the summer of 2002 I travelled to Ghana with my adopted daughter Sabrina to volunteer at an orphanage. The experience transformed me. The orphanage was so bad, the children were beaten and without food, and the place was filthy. The sheer awfulness of the whole thing moved me and I knew I had the resources to do something. I thought I could make a difference.

What was your inspiration for writing Who Knows Tomorrow?

I met a woman, Bonnie Lieberman, who broke the glass ceiling, she blazed her way to the top. She told me this was a story that had to be told.

What is the message you would like the reader to take away after reading Who Knows Tomorrow?

There are two messages. First the fact that anyone can make a difference. With a willingness to listen and learn, and ability to put a team together, one person can change things. The second is that if you give a child love they can’t fail and that the words we say are so powerful. Using encouraging words is so important.

What was the toughest part of the writing process?

I was distraught an upset during much of the time I wrote, the writing brought back all the horror I had witnessed.

What “advice” would you give other mother writers?

I sat down with my kids and explained I was writing a book, and I was going to be very busy, and it would impact their lives because they were going to be in it. I wanted them to feel a part of it, which they are. Then I made a timetable and in the morning I wrote, then again after dinner – for six months there was no after dinner play. Also, writers have to realize that there will be unexpected interruptions to the process. My daughter gave birth and I took a week off, it happens.

Buy The Book.

Thirty percent of author proceeds are being donated to support OAfrica.

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